What happened to fall?
shouldn't we be traipsing around with scarves, or at least layers and long sleeves right about now? A bed of fallen dry leaves crunching below our footsteps, looking up their youthful friends still hanging on, shifting through hues of bold, saturated colors?
I feel completely not myself today. Something that seems to be a common theme amongst most of the people I've spoken with the last 24 hours.
I was up until sunrise with the king-sibling bash last night. . . It was good times all around.
My brother and sister seem to not be the biggest fans of mixed crowds of different "types" of friends. I, however, find excitement and beauty in sharing a few drinks and laughs with people you don't necessarily know, but think you do from what the rumors and behaviors of the grade school days. I know I've changed a HELL of a lot since my HS days, and I'd be bummed to know that someone assumed they know who I am NOW from what they "knew" of me through 'so-and-so' back in the 10th grade.
It's 2:33am. Again, I could have forced myself to sleep at 10:00 tonight and yet, here I am awake.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
A recap of the past month and random blather.
Where the heck have I been?
I am in this daze of cloudy, twisted, mellow confusion. I don't feel anxious as I normally do when I feel I can not see down my life's path, however I feel a bit disoriented and when I try to clear the air, it only seems to get more dense with fog.
I feel like I am in a dust storm again, out in the middle of an open playa, and maybe instead of trying to continue to constantly move forward (even when blindly), I should just sit down, rest my legs and let my heart re-vamp it's unsteady beat.
Burning man. That's where the dust storm note comes from. I guess I can start here:
I picked up Tristan's dust goggles from the Smiths (thank you, by the way, to the Smith Family for lending those out). With my green (soon to be a nice light shade of tan, permanently covered in the finest dust around) duffel bag packed with essentials for surviving the desert a week on whatever u bring (other than water [2 galons of/day] and food [plenty of] which was provided for by sweetheart Brion) I set out on a journey I had no idea how to mentally and spiritually prepare for.
Arriving to the front entrance of Black Rock City just at sundown, the dust picked itself up all at once and danced into this overwhelmingly beautiful example of how many shades and layers of red the sun can produce when mixed with sand/dust/clouds and mountains. Next steps:
::Sign in, pick up a ticket at will call, go through "customs" which includes being required to bang a metal cyllendar and screaming 'i am not a virgin anymore' (no explanation so don't ask), drive around the outer 1/2 edge of this unfamiliar, temporary 'city', and arrive at our camp [location: 10:00 and Jungle]::
I am greeted by different types of people. Some welcoming me "home" with warm arms, some allowing their own insecurities to get the better of their "welcome". Brion has made an army tent feel like a warm home, and although I am EXTREMELY thankful for this kindness and sense of security within the tent's walls, I feel disoriented and uneasy.
Morning comes. The first 1.5 days are a blur. Maybe that is my defense mechanism shutting it down for me, because I felt like I did not want to be there at all. I was in a different state of mind, with different desires from the week, than I feel anyone else at my camp was in. Not bad, just difficult to connect and feel comfortable with new faces when you are on completely different wave lengths to start with. I've decided to go off on my own for most of the week, meet new people as they come, and soak in this experience exactly as it needs to be soaked up by me.
[Temple at dusk]
I spent the night at the Temple. Oh beautiful, powerful and humbling Temple. Not a structure of any conformed religion or rules. A structure built entirely of open hearts and welcoming prayers. A place where all areas of individual hearts and loves can come together safely. [note: the temple is the art built in which people can come and write all over it as they'd please. It is burnt the last night in a beautiful silent ceremony]. I could feel it hit me as if I had walked into a wall the second I was parking my bike outside of this massive, gorgeous wooden art form. Walking inside was indescribable. The tears came unexpectedly and almost without my even realizing. This place is proof that you can actually FEEL the power and warmth from a place that gathers up so many different prayers and loves.
I soaked in the love and writing on the walls that others had already placed, and chose not to write anything until it came naturally without any hesitation or thought. The sunrise from within the woven wooden walls, was indescribable.
[temple at day]
_________
I will write more about the following days tomorrow. For now, it's 2:22am and finally I am sleepy.
goodnight.
I am in this daze of cloudy, twisted, mellow confusion. I don't feel anxious as I normally do when I feel I can not see down my life's path, however I feel a bit disoriented and when I try to clear the air, it only seems to get more dense with fog.
I feel like I am in a dust storm again, out in the middle of an open playa, and maybe instead of trying to continue to constantly move forward (even when blindly), I should just sit down, rest my legs and let my heart re-vamp it's unsteady beat.
Burning man. That's where the dust storm note comes from. I guess I can start here:
I picked up Tristan's dust goggles from the Smiths (thank you, by the way, to the Smith Family for lending those out). With my green (soon to be a nice light shade of tan, permanently covered in the finest dust around) duffel bag packed with essentials for surviving the desert a week on whatever u bring (other than water [2 galons of/day] and food [plenty of] which was provided for by sweetheart Brion) I set out on a journey I had no idea how to mentally and spiritually prepare for.
Arriving to the front entrance of Black Rock City just at sundown, the dust picked itself up all at once and danced into this overwhelmingly beautiful example of how many shades and layers of red the sun can produce when mixed with sand/dust/clouds and mountains. Next steps:
::Sign in, pick up a ticket at will call, go through "customs" which includes being required to bang a metal cyllendar and screaming 'i am not a virgin anymore' (no explanation so don't ask), drive around the outer 1/2 edge of this unfamiliar, temporary 'city', and arrive at our camp [location: 10:00 and Jungle]::
I am greeted by different types of people. Some welcoming me "home" with warm arms, some allowing their own insecurities to get the better of their "welcome". Brion has made an army tent feel like a warm home, and although I am EXTREMELY thankful for this kindness and sense of security within the tent's walls, I feel disoriented and uneasy.
Morning comes. The first 1.5 days are a blur. Maybe that is my defense mechanism shutting it down for me, because I felt like I did not want to be there at all. I was in a different state of mind, with different desires from the week, than I feel anyone else at my camp was in. Not bad, just difficult to connect and feel comfortable with new faces when you are on completely different wave lengths to start with. I've decided to go off on my own for most of the week, meet new people as they come, and soak in this experience exactly as it needs to be soaked up by me.
[Temple at dusk]
I spent the night at the Temple. Oh beautiful, powerful and humbling Temple. Not a structure of any conformed religion or rules. A structure built entirely of open hearts and welcoming prayers. A place where all areas of individual hearts and loves can come together safely. [note: the temple is the art built in which people can come and write all over it as they'd please. It is burnt the last night in a beautiful silent ceremony]. I could feel it hit me as if I had walked into a wall the second I was parking my bike outside of this massive, gorgeous wooden art form. Walking inside was indescribable. The tears came unexpectedly and almost without my even realizing. This place is proof that you can actually FEEL the power and warmth from a place that gathers up so many different prayers and loves.
I soaked in the love and writing on the walls that others had already placed, and chose not to write anything until it came naturally without any hesitation or thought. The sunrise from within the woven wooden walls, was indescribable.
[temple at day]_________
I will write more about the following days tomorrow. For now, it's 2:22am and finally I am sleepy.
goodnight.
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